I wish

I wish I could write. I wish I could get myself out of bed most days. I wish I could take care of myself and do simple things like shower. I wish I could clean my house as often as it needs to be done. I wish I had an appetite. I wish I could be around people and be comfortable. I wish I could talk to people. I wish I could do things with my son. I wish I didn’t have to try and fake being normal and okay so much. I wish I could trust people. I wish I could sleep a full night on a regular basis. I wish I didn’t need meds just to get a few hours of sleep every few days. I wish those few hours of sleep weren’t interrupted by nightmares that wake me up into full panic attacks. I wish seeing something on TV wouldn’t make it hard to breathe and my heart to beat out of control. I wish I would be okay around people just having a simple disagreement without immediately needing to leave. I wish I didn’t have tonic clonic seizures because of something I have no control over. I wish my son didn’t see,hear and know the things he does. I wish I didn’t stay so long and put myself in that position hoping he would get it together while unknowingly giving myself severe PTSD. I wish I hadn’t of tried to end my life when I felt so trapped and seen no way out of the pain.

This is severe drug addiction from the point of view of the closest person to them. Drug addiction does not discriminate, it doesn’t care where you come from, your social status, whether you’re rich or poor, religious or not, your age, your race, how you were raised or your education and employment. Drug addiction doesn’t just take the addict’s life but those closest to them as well. It does not care and it will take everything from you.